I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
