Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
