I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
