Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
