i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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