he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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