thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
