Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize