Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
