we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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