he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Randomize
