His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I supernannyed him into submission
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
