Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Too much gin, very little bucket
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
