she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
