thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
