She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Randomize
