A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
