My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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