wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Im part way to drunk.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
