Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize