So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
