Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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