Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
It's shark week go big or go home
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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