I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
