haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
