I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
