i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize