That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
it's like iHOP with fire
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
