We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
