I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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