I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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