I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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