I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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