just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I'm getting married
To pizza
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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