Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
