final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
