Four minutes until I can fart!
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
