why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
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