I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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