it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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