I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
