well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
