Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
