how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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