Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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