My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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