32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
