For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize