you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
