I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
