do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Randomize
