I just made out with a guy for $7.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
