ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Drunk is a universal language darling
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
