her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
