I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Someone shit on the floor
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
