2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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