we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Life without a bra equals bliss.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Randomize
