Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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