TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
