Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
