A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
