looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
