guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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