I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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