Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
so let's talk penis.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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