He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
