I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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