Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
