I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
