escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
