I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
