Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
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