Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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