i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
