And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
