Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
