My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
