your parents love me but you hate me
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Randomize
