College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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