if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
