I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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