The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
