Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize