I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
