Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
