i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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