his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
