I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
