I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
