You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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