Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize