on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
