And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize