and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
