Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize