so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize