So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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