that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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