she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
