if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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