I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
