Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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