Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize