Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
either way he was missing a nipple.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
