Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize