Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
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