I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
