im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
