every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
