Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
