I think I just saw someone hide a body.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Randomize
