let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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