a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
